Yes, this might seem ridiculous, but it is still soooo crazy to me that I am pregnant. In a few months, a baby is going to come out of me (out of what is currently a pretty small opening in my body...yikes!). I am actually going to have to birth a baby...what!?!?! And then after the baby comes out, it's going to cry and I am going to have to soothe it. I don't know how to soothe babies. And when it needs a diaper change, I am going to have to change the diaper. I don't remember ever changing a diaper in my life. And when it's hungry, I am going to have to feed it...from my body!!! What have I done?!? haha! There is no turning back now, so I guess I just have to figure it out!
I'm number 6 of 7 children, so I don't have any experience with small kids. And even though I have 9 nieces and nephews, if the babies needed anything, I just handed them back to the parents. And I have never been one to want to hold other people's kids, especially when they are small babies. Whenever people asked me to hold their child, my heart would start beating really hard and fast, my hands would start to sweat, I'm sure my face turned red, etc. I never got "bit by the baby bug" either. The decision to get pregnant was a very matter of fact kind of thing. Ben has wanted children forever! I was always way too scared and didn't know how we would do it financially with neither one of us working and did not want to get into major debt. Last summer, when we were discussing it, I knew I needed to have the baby before my friend's wedding in August because I am going to be a bridesmaid, but I didn't want to have it in the middle of the school year for financial and insurance reasons. I also knew that I didn't want to wait another year or so to start trying for children. I think we'll have a few children, and I don't want to have any past the age of 33 or 34. My Mom had me at 37 and my little sister at 40, and there were some major complications. I'm trying to avoid all complications if possible! So when September came along, I knew it was time, and obviously, it worked!
New things just scare the crap out of me, especially when there are soooo many variables involved. Will my water break on it's own? If so, will I know that my water has broken? Will the baby be early or late? Will I have to be induced? Will the pain be soooo bad that I can't stand it and then request an epidural? Will there be any side effects from the epidural? Will my sister make it up in time for the birth? Will I be able to breastfeed? Will that "motherly instinct" kick in for me? What if I have to have a c-section? How will recovery be? Blah!!! I'm not really stressed by all of this, but I definitely think about it A LOT! The fact that I have never done it before and I have no idea what to expect just kind of freaks me out. Yes, I have read and heard tons and tons of stories about birth, but everyone always says "Every woman and every birth is different." So they are good stories to hear, but how will my story go? I wish I knew!!! I already love our little baby, but it's still so crazy! Oh, well, only time will tell!
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3 comments:
I only have 2 weeks longer to think about all this! I think you said it best when you said...at this point all you can do is pray. You will be a great mommy Kristin I have no doubt! The mommy instict will definitely kick in...and feel free to come over any time and practice diaper changing on my little man! :)
All I can say is "bless your heart"! Everything is going to be alright and you're gonna do an amazing job as a mother. I'm rooting for you, sassy thing :)
You are a crack up! There are so many variables to bearing children, child birth, and being a mommy...BUT...you will figure it all out. And the best part is, you have Ben to help out as well. You will be a fantastic mommy...despite what you think. You will learn as you go, especially with a little help from the Man upstairs!
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