So, there is no doubt that it is extremely tough to lose both of your parents to cancer. Seeing my Dad's body deteriorate before my eyes sucks! But then I have to think...at least I have a Dad. Not only do I have a Dad, but he is an awesome Dad! He has taught me well, always been a great example of working hard and being honest, and cared for me and loved me my whole life. Just the other day I went to get my oil changed at a local car place here in town that my Dad's friend owns. I walked in to pick my car up and pay my bill and the guy behind the counter, who I had never seen before in my life, picks up my keys and lays my bill on the counter. I chuckled a little and asked, "how did you know who I was?" His response made my day...he said, "Well, a strong bull has good stock. Does that tell you?" I smiled and said, "Absolutely!" :)
And then I also think to myself...my trials today are absolutely nothing compared to what the people in Japan are handling right now, or orphans in Africa, or even a bunch of people here in the States. I still have a place to live, there is food in my refrigerator, clothes to wear, amazing support from friends (Thank you!!!), and a wonderful family...immediate and extended. I still say I cannot imagine going through this without my siblings. Thank goodness we have each other!
And for the happy news from my last post about the house...well, we can't get it anymore. Boo! We were pre-approved for a pretty big loan and then they sent it to corporate and corporate said Ben has to be employed for two years. So, we are putting that on the back burner and looking at rental property now. Whenever Ben told me, I just broke down...pulled the car into a parking lot and cried! I was soooo excited about this house. It was perfect for us right now, so I was definitely irritated, frustrated, bummed, etc. Thankfully, I have come to terms that it is ok that we won't buy a house right now. We can use the money that would have been the down payment to pay off student loans. Oh, how I love student loans. Or we can purchase another car since we only have one and Ben is driving his grandmother's minivan that probably won't be running in a few months. So, we'll just rent a house for a year or two and then buy and build or something! Everything happens for a reason, right???????????? Such is life!
3/17/2011
3/14/2011
Therapy...?
They say writing can be therapeutic...we'll see how this goes.
As my Dad nears the end of his life here on earth, I can't help but question why and what and how. Why did he have to get sick? Why does he have to die at a younger age? Why did he and my Mom have to die of cancer? Why does cancer exist? Why can't he be healed? Why does he have to suffer? Why can't he be here to see Annabelle walk and talk and run around? Why can't he be here to help me plant my garden at my first house? Why can't he be here to see my little boy (no, I am definitely not pregnant) in a few years and show him how to play golf? What is it that he needs to do in heaven that is so important right now? I lost my mother at 20, why do I have to lose my father at 25?
Obviously, I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I know Heavenly Father has a plan and I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I think Heavenly Father thinks I am stronger than I am. I may be an adult, but I still need my Daddy. I need to call him and talk to him and hear all of his funny sayings and stories and listen to him tell me about his golf outings. I need his hugs and kisses! He's the best!
And here is the Caring Bridge web site we have created for him. My brothers and I go on there to update how he is doing.
Blah, anyways...I don't think writing is therapeutic. It just makes me cry more!
In happy news, our offer on a house has been accepted! Yay!!!!!!!! That's really all I know right now. We have to get it appraised and a survey done and the closing has to go through. We'll see, but still very exciting! Also, I am planning Annabelle's first birthday party! I'm pretty excited about it and we should definitely be in the house before her birthday! Yay!!! I can't believe she is getting so big. She crawls on her knees now and pulls up on everything. She'll stand in her pack and play (her crib is at our house and we are staying with my Dad for the time being) and scream for me to get her after she wakes up from naps. It's pretty dang cute! But this stage is a little nerve wracking because now she can hurt herself. She has bumped her head on chairs, tables and floors multiple times in the past week or two. Poor thing. Hopefully she will learn soon that you can't try to climb up everything. She is such a cutie! I just love her!
3/09/2011
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